Maybe I will

Everytime something good happens, there will always be the opposite happening of something bad. It sometimes confuses me whether that something good was a curse in disguise, but of course I push myself to be positive. Being positive is the only and best thing I can do to go on without going crazy. Is it hard?Yes, very hard, especially with my life that looks so normal, happy and good. Just to achieve and succeed, I have to be hard. And in that hardness, I found the positivity to go on. All my life, I’m obsessed with achievements. Last night, I was thinking and checking myself. Then, I saw the piles of awards and certificates and trophies and medals I have. It was weird because they didn’t really make me feel so happy like you would think. I never thought I had those or achieved them. And I try to remember where I get those and who were watching. It was only the time where my family reunites, when I achieved something. It’s the only thing that makes them proud. During days with none of those, nothing much is happening but problems. Anyways, I live for the happiness of my family. I know people will say “you should be the one happy”. My response is I’m happy when my family is happy. I guess that’s the only thing I live for. I just hope one day everyone reunites everyday. Our family is very different. Very silent about their good feelings toward each other.Not at all physically and verbally loving. 

Notes