Source: insideoutnight

Wondering.

I had the weirdest dream ever. What was that suppose to mean? I was secretly having an affair with a man who is more than twice my age. OMG. Where did that come from?

Salamin

No complaints! Live life to the fullest. There’s so much of you that you haven’t seen. Feels so great to discover them one by one. :)

Sweet partner

God, help me not be so stubborn anymore. I wanna learn to be subtle and listen to those who actually really care for me.

Also, this is it. It starts here! The battle I joined I guess is a lot. I know it’s a bad action, but help me get through it. With your grace, help me win it! You know what these are:

1. Dynamic (It’s something I have been struggling to get back to.)
2. Panda (I’ve got to execute this!)
3. Queen (Numero Uno Problema)
4. Egg (Boredom must say farewell)

Other than those You know, my number one priority still other than You is my Familia. Take care of them okay. Take care of my dearest friends too. Let them know I’m secretly praying for their happiness and protection. I love You. Help me let these people know how much I love them, too.

Thank You! I have faith in You.

CRAVE (What are you longing for?)

Learnt wisdoms:

1. You can never grow if you think you have grown enough already.
2. The thought that you are qualified already is what disqualifies you from being better.
3. It isn’t about what you are doing, it is about “being”.
4. When you become a character you want to be or a character that God wants you to be, you start doing the actions of that character automatically or naturally.You will naturally do and see yourself doing because you have become “it” already.

These where the phrases the impacts  me the most in Church awhile ago. This part of the session has once again striked me like the previous one last week. I have been realizing this actually.Thinking why I don’t improve anymore. I love doing many things, and love it more after some while when I get better at it. Then, there comes a point where I feel like I’m stucked and not growing anymore. This is what I felt recently in debating. I kept wondering why I feel like I’m not improving.

I realized it’s becaus I think I’m good at it already.I am capable of winning already. So sometimes, we shouldn’t let ourselves be too caught up in compliments, awards, and all those. When you let it come into you the wrong way,you will stop growing because you think you’re great already. It’s the same with our relationship with God. If you think you are so close with him compared to everybody else, the more you should humble yourself before him.The more you should want to learn and want to be closer. We continue to grow when we humble down. Don’t be mislead by prizes, awards, rewards,praises, etc. Do not be blinded by this temporary feelings the world is giving. Continue to do what you love,continue to keep being better because it’s what you desire.

It’s not about doing, it’s about being.

When you do something, know why you are doing it. When you know why you are doing something, you will always succeed in doing rather than do because they are the things that society,family, books,etc. has told you to do. Your enthusiasm will soon fade away if you just abide commands. This is usually the cases in our daily lives as well. When you are ask to do something all the time, at first, you’d love to help or do it. But later on, when you get tired and still don’t know why you are doing it. You will get sick of it or frustrated because you have no reasoning in your heart and mind on why you should keep going and doing.

Current Big Question

Finance or Marketing?

UMAC, my current university is famous for this course. Meanwhile, I think I am able to be good in this course but not the best since a lot of the other students has focused on this and has interest on this. 

I am also interested in Finance but I think my maths can’t beat those mainland students.(Not that I’m assuming and stereotyping) I think that I can better excel in Marketing since I’m good at it, at the same time, most career test I take says so. Says my Uni-mates as well.

It’s a battle between being only good in Finance but have a good diploma and status of taken Bachelor’s degree, and Marketing where I believe I can excel but there’s too many competition and feeling I won’t learn a lot from it. 

Let’s weigh impacts!

Course Benefits Cost

Finance Famous course/good diploma image Won’t be on top

Learn Stock Market Requires tough math knowledge

Can predict furture market value

Specific job position tough competition

Marketing Most probability of excelling Too many competition

Provides jobs I want So-so University image

Most applicable to my personality Requires language skills

Till now I know I love Marketing more than Finance, but Finance is still luring me into its fame and better image.

Need to get back in this after more info.

Feel free to suggest thoughts. What do you think?

Things I need to go through

1.  Apply for transfer into Finance. Need to weigh benefits from Finance courses and BA courses.

Should it be done or not? Collect infos towards this matter.

    2.   Apply for exchange program. Choose whether U.S. or Europe or Australia. 

Choose best universities from the said continents.SOON.

    3.   Apply for exchange grant when decided which university and when.

    4.   Whether quit EDT or not. Weigh consequences of this action.

    5.   Check universities in China to apply summer exchange.

Actually just choose between PKU and Tsinghua University.

TBU (to-be-updated)

Oh yeah.

What have I learned and digested today? Actually a lot, which give me the reason to actually put it into words. I’ve learned that we should not value ourselves on the prizes and the achievements we accumulate or how people portray us. We value ourselves of what we truly are, on knowing what our purposes are and how God has always loved us. I have realized that it’s not about what the society brands you; on what they think of you. You don’t have to put the pressure on yourself on being what the society thinks you should be, of what they have branded you. Sometimes, your own strength can’t help you at all. You may have this optimistic attitude, an illusion that you are that good, that you can do it no matter what. Reality is you yourself can’t do it. The church says “You need grace, it should come from the Lord to truly be successful and productive in what you do.” To be honest, it took awhile for me to truly comprehend and believe what the preacher, Ate Marielle said. I am always motivated and confident. I have high self-efficacy. How can I truly accept that phrase? But I actually did. We should not live in worldly ways. We are human, with our own unique characteristics and very own mind. We were created to think in our own ways. We should live on how God wants us to live after all, He will never leave us no matter what. Whatever failure we encounter on our journey of fulfilling our goals and purposes, He will be there as long as we trust Him. Without him, we will never ever be satisfied of what we have. We will CRAVE for so many things, we will want to have different things at a concurrent period of time. But it will never satisfy us, because these things will leave us empty when we get bored of it. It will never be able to feed our needs inside. It only feeds our physical need, our emotional and mental needs. The most important and vital part of us that should always be taken care of is the spiritual need. In order to be able to enjoy this life truly without depending on worldly matters. What are these worldly matters? Parties, social circles, sense of achievement, money, sex, reputation, acceptance. Makes you happy right, of course but only for awhile. You will always keep on longing for something more and more. So what if you ask for more? Remember, the world is limited, scarcity as they said.

Many times, I overestimate myself. Always sure that “I can do it”, and sometimes feels like “I can do it better.” I think many young women are like this nowadays. They have high hopes and dreams; they are strong and very competitive. Some are left intimidated, some gets insecure. I think that we have this perception that we have to prove ourselves in being valuable and capable of whatever it is that happens. After all, feminism has arisen. It’s because that is what the world has put in our minds. The society’s norm has put so much information and knowledge in our brains as quick as it could that you, yourself, has no time to analyze it. Our minds has been polluted of many ideologies and beliefs of what we should be as woman, as man, as children, as teenagers, as elders. Where has our own true perception in life gone to? It’s very interesting how our brain works in a way that easily conform to what we hear if it has good back up or if a famous person is promoting it. We can’t blame ourselves because it is truly hard to not conform with norms. But at least we should know why it is like that, like why are there laws, question the immediate answer that comes into your mind. Was it really your answer or it’s what the society makes you think it is?

Sometimes, I question our morality. Do we really have to learn it? Or has it been there from the moment we were born because that’s what makes us humans right. Being able to distinguish what is right and wrong. Do we act on it? I have come to think that the Bible is actually a reminder of what we should be, of what we were supposed to be before mankind committed sin, but we have to be constantly reminded because of what the world has become, sinful. That is why we are always encouraged to read the Bible every single day as much as we could. 

When you get sick, bored and tired of what you’re doing. It is because you have forgotten the purpose or hasn’t seen the purpose of why you are doing it. We should remind ourselves constantly of what our purpose is. Or if you do not know, ask God. He will always give you an answer. Every single thing you are doing has a very big purpose. There’s a reason why you are seatmates with the girl or guy next to you. There’s a reason why that guy left you. Ask what it is, He will answer. Sometimes, you don’t even have to. So I ask myself why am I taking “Business”. There’s no need to study it, especially here in Macau. It’s common sense, I know that before. I’m wasting my money and time sitting in this class listening to my professor. I won’t get anything out of this when I graduate. Reality is I do learn something from it. I had and still have a purpose on why I took it. I literally forgot it for awhile. You can always learn something new, it really depends on your point of view. ”You hold the change you want to have.” It really depends on how you see it, it truly just depends on you. You’re university may suck. But it still depends on how hard you strive, and on the purpose you are striving. I am happy I’m back on track. I have clear view of why I am doing this. 

Okay, last point that I remember. Oh my, I can’t remember it. Oh there it is! I and Ate Anne were just talking about it. Why do we get disappointed? She said it is because we expected something good but we failed to experience or received it. Why did we expect anyways? We live with this illusion that it’s going to be great. We can handle it. For example, we expect that we are going to get along with people well, or people will treat us well, or we are able to accomplish this. But reality is that people around you are not always gonna be nice or as perfect as you think. Just the don’t expect from them. And it’ll come naturally. In the first place, why should you? Actually, we all have this idea already. It’s because we have experienced it many times in our lifetime. Usually, we just forget it and remember only when we are disappointed already.

Source: zodiacchic

Source: zodiacchic